“There was a time when I was Handsome/There was a time when I had money to burn/There was a time when, where I landed, it was the least of my/ Lord is was the least of my concern/ But it hurts to lean back in handcuffs/ Like 9 kinds of shame turned to rage/ As a younger man, i might have put up a fight/ But I feel like such a fool at my age.”- Todd Snider (Opening line from Greencastle Blues)
Medical issues and things that annoy me: For the first time in my life, both are on lists that seem to grow every year. Given, I have learned (to a certain degree) not to sweat the small stuff (which actually helps with a few of the aforementioned medical issues) but I find that with age comes an even lower threshold for the pain I feel when graced by the presence of bullshit. Bullshit arguments, bullshit statistics.. it’s become my Marcia Brady…. Bullshit, Bullshit, Bullshit!!!
Here’s the deal though.. I’m full of shit too. Violently. I constantly voice my opinions on issues that I haven’t properly researched, I can be very dismissive of people who don’t share the same opinion as me because, as the smartest person on the planet, to not agree with me MUST mean you are an idiot. I am a walking contradiction.. guilty of the same cultural and conversational crimes I verbally convict others of committing. I’m an asshole is what I’m saying. The only difference between Corey:The Adult, and Corey:The Teenager is that Corey: The Adult KNOWS that he is full of shit yet continues to go about his merry way.
This doesn’t seem to be the general consensus on what it means to be an “Adult”, but so far it has been my favorite part of growing up. The constant increase in self realization coupled with marginally increased levels of “Not giving a fuck what people think anymore” really opens you up to being the most YOU version of YOU that YOU can ever aspire to be. I think that’s important. At least once a day I get told some version of “It’s OK to think that, but you shouldn’t say it.” (Ironically this is usually from someone who supports Donald Trump).. I think that is complete and utter (wait for it) BULLSHIT. I want everyone to say exactly how they feel. Wear your opinions like Company Logos on a Nascar Jacket. “But what if my friends don’t like me any more because of it:(?” They aren’t your friend, Jack.
Realistically this is probably the opposite of how you should conduct yourself… at least in a professional sense, but brutal honesty is appreciated by people like me (See: Idiots). It let’s you know immediately if you like someone or not. You remember back before Facebook when you had to get to know someone before you could tell if they were insane or not? People could drag you along for years without you finding out who they ACTUALLY are. Now you meet someone.. check their Facebook and see that they have recently shared a link to the video for Butterfly (Come My Lady) by Crazytown, and you just know they can go die in a hole forever. It’s great.
I suppose I have matured a little in my time on earth.. Last night, at 28, I went to a frat party and literally the only thing I could think of was how pointless it was for every single light in the house to be on. Do they not give a shit about their electric bill out all? “You guys know if you broke down these boxes you actually COULD fit them in this industrial size garbage can you have that in no way belongs in a kitchen that isn’t a fucking Applebees?” I pointed out to a group of kids while they looked at me like I was using a rotary phone to order socks from a catalog.
Against my better judgment (considering everything I’ve ever done falls under this category, I guess it’s safe to say I’m a shitty judge) I decided to go to a bar with these 20 year old guys and gals. Most of them used fake ID’s to get into the bar… I didn’t even have to use my ACTUAL ID. We drank for hours. The kids were worried that I wouldn’t be able to “Keep up”. I of course matched everyone drink for drink and spent the last part of the night talking to a police officer about The Steelers while everyone else either puked or had an existential crisis about their shitty boyfriend. It was great. It was great because at 28 you get to be who you are. There is no Bullshit. While all the frat guys made sure the sleeves on their button ups were rolled up to the proper length, I was fat and happy in my wranglers, thermal shirt, ranch jacket and ball cap aka The Brett Favre collection.
Please believe me when I say I’m not judging these guys (I am).. they are better looking than me, hipper, smarter.. in way better shape, and most likely will be more successful than me. They will say the right things at the right times and keep their opinions to themsleves..Meanwhile ill be over here wearing comfortable pants, drinking beer, and saying “fuck” in front of a preacher…. One day I’ll ACTUALLY grow up. 28 just still isn’t it. Cheers